Motivation is Necessary

Gee wiz, have I been consistent!
I'm going to try to rewrite my track record.
So, I'm sure my last two posts may have confused you, dear readers! Yes, I was pregnant- but, I had my baby! A beautiful, wonderful little boy who turned 11 months today! And, yes, I did also have a miscarriage. Now that that is cleared up...
I gained a LOT of weight with my first pregnancy. I do NOT regret it. My little man is the healthiest, smartest, most active baby i think I've ever met! (And I've worked in childcare for quite a few years) However, I DO regret what I've been doing to remove the excess weight for the last 11 months... Because I've been doing nothing.
I have a lot of reasons to lose weight, but up until recently not very many of them were good enough reasons. I don't like the idea of losing weight to make myself feel comfortable, or because I know someone else disapproves of my size. I don't see myself as unhealthy because of my size, (but I recognize that it is a side affect of my neglected health and can further contribute to the consequences of lack of exercise (e.g. Joint problems). In other words, I think it's wrong for anyone to assume that I'm "unhealthy" merely by my appearance or a number on a scale.) I don't want to lose weight to "feel sexy", in fact, I can't honestly say that I've never felt sexy in and of myself. My husband says he thinks I'm sexy and I believe him, and he may continue to think that all he wants, but it won't affect how I feel on my own. I don't want to lose weight to look better in a bathing suit, I proudly wore a bikini while pregnant as a house, stretch marks and all, and I think more women ought to be comfortable enough with themselves to do the same. I don't want to lose weight to feel accepted or popular, I live in a place where no one cares and I LOVE that! No one should care.
So those are some reasons I'm not losing weight.
However, I would like to fit into some of my old comfy clothes- because they're comfy. I would love to stop feeling 15 years older than I am. I would love to be able to explore the mountains free of abnormal aches and pains. (Oh yeah... We live in East Tennessee now, by the way) Aaaaaaand, drumroll please...
As stupid as it is... I would really like to qualify for an elite life insurance policy! Haha...
We're working on switching over from our Texas insurance company and discovered that if I were a lower weight we could save a lot of  money. Other than that stupid number on the scale (when put it on paper next to my height) I am perfectly healthy! (On paper, that is)
So... Here's me being confident in myself (so, obviously that's not why I'm losing weight, haha, everyone struggles with confidence):
I am 5' 4.5" and need to weigh around 115-140 lbs. (insurance company's use a chart that was written in 1943 and "slightly revised" in 1983, so they expect a bit less than should be normal).
Firstly, this will be interesting because I tend to weigh around 20lbs more than I look... I guess I'm just pretty dense. So, I'm going to have to focus on slimming down, NOT building much muscle. And I'm really good at building muscle.
Secondly, this will be interesting because, well... I currently weigh 188lbs.(I started this venture last week, at the time I weighed 193lb) I'm 23lbs more than I was before pregnancy... Which was about 20lbs more than I was when I got married, three years ago.
Don't ask how much I weighed when I was 40 weeks pregnant. Let's not go there.
Anyway, point being- I need to lose more than 48lbs.
Ouch, that's more painful on paper! Or... on the Internet... whatever.
I only have a semi-plan at this point. Starting last week I'm doing a three day per week detox and weight loss diet. For those that didn't do the math a few paragraphs back, I've lost 5lbs already (that 5 lbs was already deducted from the 88lbs, so I still have 88lbs+ to go).
We have a pool at our new apartment, and a set of stairs, so I might start some easy exercise tomorrow while I come up with my plan...
I'll check in every once in a while. If I don't, then feel free to leave me (polite) nasty messages, because I'm a lousy blogger!
Wish me luck!
And all the resolution of the 300 Spartans... I'll probably need that too... There's mint chocolate chip ice cream in my freezer.