Say "Irish Wrist watch"...

So, unfortunately, I can't add post titles from my phone, which really sucks, because, as all of my readers know, the title is very important to me. :-) But I can still post and that I am thankful for. There have been so many times that I've had a thought that I wanted to post, but by the time I get around to doing it the thought is gone *poof* and I sit here trying to blog but coming up with nothing. Now I can blog from wherever I am :-) and I can post pictures from my phone too.

Prepare to being hearing from me more than you really thought you cared to. :-)

So, just yesterday I had a thought that I wanted to blog and amazingly enough, I actually remember what it was! So now I have to share... pardon the difficulty in reading, it's a bit choppy because my mind was all over the place and moving way faster than my fingers could...

I took my younger brother out for lunch yesterday. We were on our way home from his tutoring session at school and I hadn't had breakfast so we decided to be "bad" and pulled into the nearest fattery (I totally just made that up on the spot...).

I've been eating a little healthier, or, well, at least I've been trying to and I've lost a little bit of weight and I've been feeling pretty good. So I decided to try out the myth that some fast food places have healthy food that doesn't taste like cardboard and I ordered a turkey burger instead of a hamburger.

I was disappointed.

Junk food ought to just be junk food and not try to fool anybody. Heck, it probably wasn't even any healthier anyway...

"It tastes boring" I said after failing in an attempt to make Steven think that it was good enough to swap bites over. "I think I'd rather eat fake food." I grimaced. I suppose it wasn't really that bad, but I'd go to almost any length just to hear him laugh and he certainly did.

It occurred to me just then that lot's of healthy foods taste boring to me. I like the fake stuff. You know, the foods that have so much chemicals in them that they're not really foods anymore. For example: Twinkies. Have you ever looked at the ingredients list on a package of Twinkies? If you can't pronounce it, you probably shouldn't be putting it in your mouth... Actually, let me pull the Hot Pockets box out of the freezer and take a peek...

Oh. Dear.

That's a lot of ingredients.

"Unbleached Enriched Flour..." Ok, not so bad, but what does "Enriched" mean? "Water, Imitation Mozzarella Cheese..." What?! "(water, palm oil, mozzarella cheese, casein, modified food starch... sodium aluminum phosphate...)" Aluminum? really? in my food? "Monoglycerides...hydrochloride...sodium nitrate..." Ok, this box is going back in the freezer now. I've had my fair share of info. I guess some ignorance is bliss...

So, anyyyyway, back to my story.

So I like the fakes stuff. It might be made up of who knows what, but I like it. I'm used to it. I absently minded mumble to myself, "Why does the fake stuff taste so good when the stuff that's good for you tastes so boring?"

"Because you're used to the fake stuff." my brilliant little brother comments, between mouthfuls of yummier-than-my-turkey-burger-hamburger.

Because I'm used to the fake stuff.

Then another thought occurred to me: Maybe that's why it's so easy to get caught up in the excitement of this world and fail to be excited about heaven.

Because I'm used to the fake stuff.

This life is just fake stuff. "Now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face..."

That thought really makes all of my worries and fears and distractions seem so trivial. So fake.

I went rollerblading on Monday morning. It had just stopped raining, so the ground was wet and the air was chilly. I plugged in my earbuds and turned on a sermon about heaven. It was Nathan Busenitz. He had preached in our church a few Sunday's ago, but I'd been at work and only made it in time to hear the last three sentences. Those last three sentences were pretty good. In fact, the whole sermon was pretty good. Very good. Because it was about heaven and heaven is so good because heaven's about God. Man... I want to listen to it again now...

(here's the link for anyone who cares to listen, by the way)

Heaven seems pretty good. So why like the fake stuff?

I'm used to it.

I have a very good friend who is a good friend because she's not afraid to tell me when I'm wrong. She's so humble- she relates herself to bad women of the bible, because she understands that in God's sight our sin is terribly wrong, no matter how small.

She sees that in my life and is a good enough friend to tell me, but she has to tell me over an over and over again. She's always encouraging me to do the right thing, to stop and think about how my actions influence my testimony for Christ. I hear and I understand, but when it comes down to doing it... well, then she has to tell me again...

That's why I like this life, that's why I'm used to it. I live in the world and forget to pursue heaven. It get's put on the back burner and it takes faithful friends and pastors and teachers to remind me that I left it there and that it should be in the forefront of my mind instead.

My life, here on earth is like a Twinky. Or a Hot Pocket if you prefer. A hamburger.

It tastes good. It looks harmless.

It's what I'm used to.

But it's made up of genetically altered vegetable byproducts and petroleum derivatives.

The Devil's in the details.

I'm not excited about heaven because I've let it get boring. I've let it get boring by getting used to the fake stuff. I've gotten used to sweeping my mistakes under the rug. I've gotten used to saying, "God is forgiving so it's no big deal". I live in the world, there's nothing I can do about that. But I'm not suppose to be of the world. I'm not supposed to look like the world.

So what would make the difference?

The little chemicals in the ingredients list.

What's my life made of? What's the first thing I do in the morning? Who's the person that I think about the most? What do I do when there's nothing to do?

I think that my ingredients list looks something like this- "Humanity, pride, partially hidden fears, undeniable flaws (mistakes made 12 times, wisdom set aside and forgotten) spitfire, absent minded church attendance, batted eyes and wayward thoughts, worldly attraction, make up, hair spray, gossip, half truths and purposeful misunderstandings..." And the list could go on...

But the ingredients list for my life ought to look more like this- "Immovable, steadfast, always abounding in the work of the Lord, Having sufficiency in all things in order to abound in all good works, Having put off the old man and being renewed in mind, righteousness, true holiness, speaking truth, never giving opportunity to the Devil, incorruptible, edifying, kind to all, forgiving, walking in love, filled with the Spirit, patient, content, humble, blameless and faithful..."

I think I need to go on a diet. I need to cut out some things and start getting a taste for some other things...

"Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world."

-Samia

Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3... I just set up blogger for my phone and this is just to see if it's working :-)

Sick Day

I'm a terrible student.

I think that that's a pretty comprehensive statement. Nothing more needs to be said, I guess.

It's Monday morning and obviously, I'm not in class. I think my mind is a little fuzzy today, because I'm actually seriously considering not going back.

I've work as a clerk in a jewelry store in a mall for the last two years and quite frankly, I'd rather do that for a few more years than have to go to school for a whole semester.

I'm in the first half of my second semester and I've already dropped two classes just because I can't handle school.

I've gotta do something different. This is killing me.

It's not the work load. I can handle that. I'm one of those lucky people blessed with the ability to get A's with very little effort.

It's not the teachers. They're actually all a lot of fun, and I've survived through worse.

It's just the fact that it's school. It's getting up in the morning to go sit in a class room for an hour and a half (or three!) and listen to someone lecture me on things I won't remember next week! I know, I know, everybody should get a degree if they can. I know some people won't even look at your resume unless it's got college under your list of accomplishments. I know it means a higher paying job. I know it often means more intelligent coworkers. I know that it's a "good idea".

News flash: I don't want one.

I like going to work. I like my job. I didn't need a degree to get it. Heck, the hiring manager didn't even get a copy of my resume and he still hired me. I know that it isn't really a waste of time, but I still can't help twiddling my thumbs and staring at the wall. Out of all of the classes that I'm required to take, how many of them will I use? How many will I enjoy?

Which one's will I look back on and say, "Oh, I'm so glad that I took that class! I wouldn't have much of a life if I hadn't!".

They keep saying that in a few years I won't think the same way. Ok, so I'll wish I'd gotten my degree and had a nice cushy job? Does anyone who knows me think that that sounds accurate?

Timeout: Just so all my readers understand- I'm not trying to start an argument about the merits of college. I'm not saying that I'm quitting. I'm not asking for someone to correct my thinking, I understand how getting one's degree is a sensible thing.

I'm just letting out some frustration on the subject. Wishful thinking if you will. I know that all of what I've just said is childish and silly and I'm wasting my time saying it. But I'm frustrated. So bear with me or go read another blog.

Yesterday someone asked me how school was going and what I was studying. I told her I'm undecided and... and...

and I ran out of things to say, besides "I don't know" there wasn't anything to say.

I don't know. If I did I wouldn't be here. I'd be out there doing it, instead of sitting here wishing I knew what I was doing.

There was a time, once upon a time, that I actually got through school without this amount of frustration.

I was living on campus at a Bible college.

I still was a terrible student. I'll always be a terrible student. I bet people are reading this and saying, "You just don't appreciate education at all, do you?" I do. It just looks like I don't. I'm okay with that. I don't mind that people misjudge me. I understand that that's my fault and I'll work on it. Bunny rabbit trail...

Anyways-I got through classes alright, I didn't mind getting up to go, and most of the classes were things that I wanted to know- Bible classes. That I'd sit through in a heart beat, with pleasure. Please and thank you very much. :-)

So maybe that's what I need to do. But here's the thing. Colleges like that usually aren't cheap. Not in this state anyway.

I know of a few back east that are affordable, but do I want to go to school out of state? As I said earlier- I do like my job, and my family (obviously)...

Ah, the questions without answers...

I've been on here far too long.

Later, Dudes.

Samia

Post #162

I have seen the battlefield. I have marched in the ranks. I have heard the King's decrees. I know my Sovereign's orders. I have stood by as losses were made and I have watched as small victories were won. I have seen the pain and loss that a battle brings. I have seen the desperation of failure. This war is not a game.

God forbid that I should treat it as one.

It is not against flesh and blood that I strive- or else I'd see that I have been wounded. It is not kingdoms of this world which are at war- or else it would be clear to all for whom I fight. It is not a famine, flood, or violent storm from which I run- for in plights from nature's fury there is little hope. It is not a foe with whom I quarrel, not a fear of which I am in dread, not an outward and foreign force which wages against me.

No. It is a friend, the most intimate of enemies, the most dangerous of harms- it is one whom I have always known who swings her sword at me. It is my closest companion and most constant peer who has wounded me and weakened me in this fight.

It is myself. It within me. It is my weakness of determination. It is my lack of vehemence. It is my love of self. It is my addiction to comfort. It is my pride.

It is my sin against which I fight. It is myself.

I have been warned- it is not a battle fought well alone. I have been instructed in ways of wisdom, in strategies of war. I and my fellows have been sent out to slay, each of us, our own man, side by side together. But somehow, in the midst of the battle and the deceptions of sin, and falsehoods of the fog, which around me lies- I failed to slay my foe and instead I defended her. I did not listen to those who warned me against the games that I played. I made little of the commands of the King, one by one. I compromised. I have gone and made the enemy a friend.

It's time to slay the dragon.

It's time to root it out.

It's time to set fire to myself, to my sin, so that by the light of the flames the whole world will see the emblem on my heart and know that even in my darkest hours, even in my weakest moments, even in the farthest corners of the most abstract parts of my life Jesus reigns!

In every choice that I make- what to eat and who to love- the Lord, God, commands my destiny. In every decision, even in my weakness of loyalty, He moves for the purpose of His glory. All is from, through, for and to Him- and no enemy can dissuade Him from His cause.

The hope that I have, the confidence in forgiveness of sins and victory of the battle lies in His character. For though I battle, and though I fail, His kingdom will not fall. Victory is guaranteed. He has already won.

So, I learn that this battle, this fight, this pain and loss and failure is not for the defeating of the devil, for He is already doomed, but for the strengthening of my faith, the testing of my endurance, the building of my courage, the killing of my pride. This battle is for the glory of my God. It is not a game.

God forbid that I should treat it as one.