Welcome Follower Number Five!

I logged on to complain about my lack of audience- but was promptly greeted with a notice about a new follower! (Welcome to the group!)
Anyway now I don't know what to write about....
I am home alone today- I've had a lot on my mind and so I've been thinking. I ate toast and cheese for lunch- because it was the first thing I saw in the fridge- later I discovered that there was left-over pizza! I was quite disappointed that I hadn't noticed it earlier. So now I am eating microwaved, left-over, slightly chewy pepperoni pizza and listening to country music, thinking about my life and ... trying to come up with something more interesting to write.
I had something to say- besides complaining about attendance, or lack there of... I just can't remember what it was. :-) This is kind of normal for me I guess. Am I right? (That was a question- just in case you didn't know... oh, and, hint-it's meant to be answered) :-D
I listened to John MacArthur's sermon on the Will of God... I have to say it was convicting and frustrating and encouraging all at once.
You know what?! I've just decided to cut this post short and go read my bible! Because that's where God wrote His will and I want to know what it is!
Samia

A couple of things...

So first of all: I apologize. No, really, I'm sorry that I am such a cynic. It may not be quite so evident here- I try not to be too negative- but I'm not the most positive person you'll ever meet. And I wish I was different. But I suppose that's evidence that I am.
I also have to apologize for the post a few weeks ago, where I talked about disliking someone for no reason. I should not have shared that. I would delete the post but there is something about having to apologize that is humbling and I want to be humble. Jesus was humble.
Second: There is a song, by Barlow Girl, called She Walked Away. It's (again) so me. So when the opportunity to leave comes up... I'm not sure I want to take it. What is my reason? I want to get out- I always have. I want to be free, like a bird. I've always dream of taking a road trip- without a plan or a destination. Maybe in a truck- I can pull up into empty parking lots at night and sleep in the bed of the truck. Under the stars. I could drive out to the beach and watch the sun set- all by myself. I could stop anywhere I wanted along the way, without having to ask if anyone minds. But... Why?
I wish I knew.
So many opportunities have passed me by- because I don't know what I want and I don't know what I don't want and I'm so petrified of making decisions because I'm afraid I'll be miserable with the consequences.
Sheesh, I don't even know how to end this post.
I can't remember what the other things I was going to talk about were. Oh well, life goes on.
Or does it?
Samia

Thank God for your cleaning lady- no really.

I spent the day cleaning the house. It was fun (at first...) I got so much accomplished in the first hour and a half- I was so proud of myself. It wasn't hard, it wasn't terribly boring, and nobody was in my way... but I have since discovered that cleaning tires you out! By about two o'clock I was ready for bed... in fact I think after this post I'm going to go get a shower and head to bed. I know- I'm 19, what am I thinking? Going to bed at 8pm... crazy... :-) Well, I'll be up waaay earlier than you and I'll have twice as much energy tomorrow! :-P
Ah, life is pretty great, you know? I say that in a contented sigh sort of way. :-)
Oh, just remembered- I have a few books to mention- great books- you should definitely read them...
First: Do Hard Things, by the Harris brothers- Brett and Alex: Very inspiring.
Second: I might as well mention the sequel- even though I haven't finished reading it yet- Start Here: My friend is in it! I was so excited when I saw her story- she sent the book to me for my birthday and I was so thrilled to get it- and even more thrilled when I saw her name in it!
Third: Crazy Love, by Francis Chan: yet another one that I haven't finished yet, but man, is it convicting and encouraging all at once... in fact- here is an excerpt from an article of his:

I think it’s time we stop asking ourselves the question: “Am I a good Christian?” We live in a time when the term “Christian” has been so diluted that millions of immoral but nice people genuinely consider themselves “good Christians.” We have reduced the idea of a good Christian to someone who believes in Jesus, loves his or her family, and attends church regularly. Others will label you a good Christian even though your life has no semblance to the way Christ spent His days on earth. Perhaps we should start asking the question: “Am I a good Christ?” In other words, do I look anything like Jesus? This question never even entered my mind until a friend of mine made a passing comment to me one day.

Dan is a long time friend of mine. In fact, he’s the pastor who performed my wedding. He was talking to me about a pastor named Von. Von has been working with youth in the San Diego area for decades. Many of his students have gone on to become amazing missionaries and powerful servants of God. Dan described a trip to Tijuana, Mexico with Pastor Von. (Von has been ministering to the poor in the dumps of Tijuana for years). Dan didn’t speak of the awful living conditions of those who made their homes amidst the rubbish. What impacted Dan the most was the relationship he saw between Von and the people of this community. He spoke of the compassion, sacrifice, and love that he witnessed in Von’s words and actions as he held these malnourished and un-bathed children. Then he made the statement that sent me reeling:

“The day I spent with Von was the closest thing I’ve ever experienced to walking with Jesus.”

Dan explained that the whole experience was so eerie because he kept thinking to himself: “If Jesus were still walking on earth in the flesh, this is what it would feel like to walk alongside of Him!” After that discussion, I kept wondering if anyone had ever said that about me: “The day I spent with Francis was the closest thing I’ve ever experienced to walking with Jesus.” The answer was an obvious “no.” Would any honest person say that about you?

What bothered me was not that I hadn’t “arrived,” but that I wasn’t even heading in the right direction. I hadn’t made it my goal to resemble Christ. I wasn’t striving to become the kind of person who could be mistaken for Jesus Christ. Isn’t it ironic that a man can be known as a successful pastor, speaker, and CHRISTian even if his life doesn’t resemble Christ’s?

Okay, so that was more than a little excerpt, but it's good stuff, right?
Okay, I was going to mention a few other books but with that big article I don't think I will... so Goodnight my someone, Goodnight my Love!
and goodnight to everyone else :-P
Samia

Vietnam

Wow. This last week has been a roller coaster ride. Monday morning my little brother informed me that he had planned a surprise party for my mom without any help. Her birthday was on Tuesday. So I had to pull together a cake, a clean house, and food for guests that night and the next morning. I was so tired after- it wasn't hard work... I guess I'm just reeeeally out of shape. :-)
Yesterday morning my landlord called with a business opportunity. He has a cousin in Vietnam who is a multi-millionaire. She works in clothing manufactuing- she makes good stuff with great materials- I got to see some of it tonight, it's sooo nice. Anyway, my landlord and his wife are hoping to go into business selling some of his cousins stuff here in the U.S. but they want some fresh ideas that are a little more ... American (?) So they want me to design some stuff for them-IF they end up doing it. They still have to do a lot of homework on taxes and shipping and everything else involved... shoot, they don't even know where/how they're going to sell it yet...
Well, I'm so tired... I can't even think straight, but I'm so excited :-D
Goodnight,
Samia

I'm not a mean person... really, I'm not.

So, I've never really considered myself a spiteful person- I mean, I try to be nice, and I think I've successfully pulled off being polite in a socially expected sort of way. I'm not trying to brag... I'm just setting the stage, so to speak, for what I'm going to admit... I'll even admit right now that I'm not so polite with my family- but all families fight. Right?
Anyway. Have you ever come across a person that just makes you mad? Maybe it's not even in something that they've done, maybe it's the way everyone else likes them, or maybe it's just something in the way they look at you? Or maybe you don't even have a reason and you can't come up with one. But you don't like them and, for the life of you, you believe you never could. Sure, you might be polite, smile and say hello, you might even try to like them, but all the while on the inside you can't wait to get away. I've heard these people described before... but I never thought I'd meet mine.
Admittance: I have.
Yep. I wish I could like her, really I do. She is very sweet, so is all of her family... I bet if I spent a week with her I still wouldn't be able to come up with something that's wrong with her, something that would make me dislike her. But I dislike her and I don't know why.
Admittance: I lied. I know why I dislike her, but that's for me to know and ... for me to keep to myself. :-)
Admittance: I'm secretly a drama queen. Everything in me screams, "Hate her! Do something disastrous and stupid!... it'd make a really cool story." But that's not right.
You know what I'm really afraid of? Being a failure.
And do you know what's the most sad? I am.
And do you know what else I'm afraid of? Not being able to change.
My track record says that I live in a nightmare.
I'm going to go...ugh... wash dishes.
Samia

Time for a new look.

I haven't changed my colors in a long time and just after I'm done with this post I'm going to change the theme.
My Dad has a website for the family- oh, I should probably give you the link, it's kind of fun to read... http://familyloftus.com/
Anyway, my Dad just set it up so that I could change the website's design... so... I thought I'd do that with mine.
Tell me what you think
Samia

Life's not as easy as I expected...

So, personally I think that quoting a song on a blog is silly, because why do you have a blog if you can't say what you want to in your own words... but, this was too good to resist. It's so me.

"At twenty years of age I'm still looking for a dream
A war's already waged for my destiny
But You've already won the battle
And You've got great plans for me
Though I can’t always see

‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me"

When I was just a girl I thought I had it figured out
My life would turn out right, and I'd make it here somehow
But things don't always come that easy
And sometimes I would doubt

‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

And you’re free to be you

Sometimes I believe that I can do anything
Yet other times I think I've got nothing good to bring
But You look at my heart and You tell me
That I've got all You seek
And it’s easy to believe
Even though

‘Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Try to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me

Earthquake!!

This truly is a momentous occasion. Yesterday afternoon, (Easter Sunday, April 4, 2010) I felt my first earthquake!! What a bizarre feeling... it was very strange. I've only lived in Southern California for EIGHT YEARS and this is the first earthquake I've ever felt. Sure, I've been in earthquakes, they happen all the time here, but this was the first one I ever noticed. Apparently I'm not as observant as I thought I was. :-)
The USGS (United States Geological Survey) is saying that what we felt was a 7.2 earthquake whose epicenter was in the the area of Baja, CA/ Mexicali CA which is pretty much (I think...) on the border between Mexico and California (hence it's called Mexicali, or Calexico). It happened at 3:40pm, but it wasn't the only quake that day. It looks like there have been several fairly large earthquakes down there along the San Andreas fault, most of them are being called aftershocks, but they're up in the 5.s. As of right now, I've only heard of two deaths caused by the quake... but who knows, maybe it's not over yet- some people do believe that one day California will fall into the ocean. Haha, I guess we'll see. :-)
Wow. I just checked the index map of recent earthquakes in CA/NE- since last night at about 9pm there have been somewhere upwards of 600 earthquakes in the state and it look like the majority of them were near Baja. They're all 3. and smaller, but that's still actually kind of frightening. 3/4s of the earthquakes in the state in the last week (there have been 966 quakes in the last week) happened yesterday. I tell you- were getting nearer to Christ's return- or something.
I'm having fun using my imagination today :-)
Samia