So, I've never really considered myself a spiteful person- I mean, I try to be nice, and I think I've successfully pulled off being polite in a socially expected sort of way. I'm not trying to brag... I'm just setting the stage, so to speak, for what I'm going to admit... I'll even admit right now that I'm not so polite with my family- but all families fight. Right?
Anyway. Have you ever come across a person that just makes you mad? Maybe it's not even in something that they've done, maybe it's the way everyone else likes them, or maybe it's just something in the way they look at you? Or maybe you don't even have a reason and you can't come up with one. But you don't like them and, for the life of you, you believe you never could. Sure, you might be polite, smile and say hello, you might even try to like them, but all the while on the inside you can't wait to get away. I've heard these people described before... but I never thought I'd meet mine.
Admittance: I have.
Yep. I wish I could like her, really I do. She is very sweet, so is all of her family... I bet if I spent a week with her I still wouldn't be able to come up with something that's wrong with her, something that would make me dislike her. But I dislike her and I don't know why.
Admittance: I lied. I know why I dislike her, but that's for me to know and ... for me to keep to myself. :-)
Admittance: I'm secretly a drama queen. Everything in me screams, "Hate her! Do something disastrous and stupid!... it'd make a really cool story." But that's not right.
You know what I'm really afraid of? Being a failure.
And do you know what's the most sad? I am.
And do you know what else I'm afraid of? Not being able to change.
My track record says that I live in a nightmare.
I'm going to go...ugh... wash dishes.
Samia
2 comments:
Sammi, love, I know what you mean, but when you allow feelings like that to continue you are setting yourself up for some serious humbling. I recommend prayer and then a conscious effort to change the way you feel. Love, remember. It's what we live by "sis".
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. We fail. We are human. That is NOT your identity. Samia, listen, there are people that challenge us; you will come across more of them. BUT - thankfully - we don't have to like (or pal around with) the people we are COMMANDED (all of them) to love. So love her; it doesn't mean you have to love "on" her. AND, CUT YOURSELF A BREAK! And, if you really feel like a failure, etc., honestly - talk to a Christian counselor to help you get on a less critical (of yourself) path. :-)
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