So, it's the evening of the first day of the year two thousand and nine.
"This is the first day of the rest of my life." Indeed.
I have to say that this has been quite the trip. I don't think I've ever learned so much about myself as I have in the last week and a half. I've said this many times before, but I can only hope that I can change from all this. I hope that this coming year, and years and years after this one, that I would work harder, be wiser, hope more, and never give up. I'd like to be quicker and more decisive, so that I can be a more effective person. I guess that there has always been a selfish reason for wanting to change myself, it's simple - I don't like myself, I never have. Frankly, I don't see how anyone else could like me either. I've wondered, because I could ever have the courage to do anything more than wonder, if I went away, just up and left, what would life be like for those I left behind? Would anything change at all? In fact just last week I wondered what I would do, if I left. Could I go live somewhere, in the middle of nowhere, all by myself? I've always felt that life without people would be so easy for me, but could I really live without people (besides the mailman, the occasional friendly neighbor and grocery clerk, of course) and not regret having left?
I might buy myself a dog, to keep me company, hypothetically speaking of course, a very large dog. I'd like to buy an old Victorian maybe and restore it. I like working with my hands, I'd like to learn how to fix things in an old house, I think I'd enjoy that very much. But I'd be liable to become the creepy person on the end of the block that everyone thinks is crazy- the lonely old lady with a killer dog, maybe she's an ex-convict! Ha ha. I could definitely see that happening, you see, I like cemeteries, it sounds silly, I know, but I like to read the names on gravestones and look at how many people related to them are buried there. Maybe even try to imagine how they died. I like walking by myself too, I wouldn't surprise myself to find myself walking through a cemetery at night. With my killer dog. :-)
Well, that's enough silliness, I'd better go back to the room and get into bed. Oh, by the way, I'm in Washington D.C., at a hotel. :-)
Later,
Samia
