I still want to know what you and Matt were talking about...

I broke into a jewelry store this week.
Well not really...
We all managed to forget our keys in the back at the same moment.
Oops.
So it's a good thing that the glass doesn't go all the way up. Cuz I had to climb over it. My biggest fear was that security would see me, or a customer outside the store would see me and somehow it would get me in trouble. That's what I get for being the tallest person working that night. Actually, I think I may be the second tallest girl that works there. Val Pal is the same height as I am, and I think Alin the Bean is one inch taller...
Does anyone really enjoy my babble?
They're watching Who Wants to be a Millionaire in the other room. I don't. Money to me is just kind of meh. As long as I have what I need and a little extra to be able to treat my family and friends every once in a while I'm more than happy. And if I have less than that, well, it's a fun challenge then :-). If we could live in a world of trade, you know, money free, I think that would be cool. Money is too hard to keep track of, you know?
Well, I just got a look at the time and I've got to go. We're doing a fundraiser for the missions team today. It should be plenty of fun :-).
Samia

Oh boy...

I find myself in the possession of a bit of leisurely time and nothing leisurely to do with it. Yes, I am in it's possession rather than it being in mine, or else I would be doing something leisurely with it and enjoying myself immensely. Tonight is the first time in a few weeks that I have come home from work and not been exhausted and in want of sleep. And tonight I find myself in a very quiet, empty house. Well, no, it's not empty. There are plenty of people here, there always are, but they are sleeping. The sand man hasn't come for me yet. I hope he doesn't forget me all night long. That would be worse than exhaustion...
It's funny how life throws curve balls consistently and yet I still manage to be caught off guard by them. Things that ought to have been expected aren't and they come crashing down on me like it's never happened before. I pick myself up and brush myself off and look back over my shoulder to find the ruins of the last time I stopped learning from my mistakes.
I was reminded that I'm a complainer several times this week. Jude describes "grumblers and complainers" as being deserving of great judgement, ungodly sinners who have spoken against Him and will be judged by the Lord and ten thousands of His saints. I'd forgotten how seriously God takes sin.
But that's the gist of it, isn't it? Anytime that we need reminding of anything, it's because we've forgotten how seriously God takes our sin. He took it so seriously that He braved death and hell to save us from it.
And I complain about plaid shirts and paper cuts.
Some days I wish that my vocabulary (and my fingers) could keep up with my thoughts. Other days I'm glad that they can't. The world doesn't need to know what goes on in my head. But you can see the holes in my train of thought, can't you? Where I switch from one subject to the next and don't give an explanation or tie it to anything I've said previously? Sometimes I sit here for a good long while rereading what I've written and trying to fill in the gaps before I click the Publish button. Sometimes I don't.
I should pick up keeping a journal again. I used to write all the time when I was a kid. And Lord knows, my life would make quite the novel. It would be neat to be able to pass my stories on to my kids and my grand kids, if God gives me any.
*sigh*
One of these days I'll write my story down.
Right now I think I'll just write good night.
Good Night
-Samia

Choices, choices, choices...

Oh my.
Life just keeps becoming more and more complicated. I have a friend who says that nothing is complicated, we just say that it is as an excuse for not doing what is right. I don't know if that's my problem, maybe I'm just afraid of making decisions. Well, ok, I am afraid of making decisions, but this is a little different... it's complicated... heh heh...
There are so many places that I could go. Everyday brings myriads of decisions that could put me in any number of places just a few short years from now. Tomorrow is coming. It's coming today.
And it's freakin' scaring me out of my mind.
Everyday my mind swings in a different direction. Yesterday I thought I'd made my mind up, I thought that I was ok with the decisions I've been making. But today I'm not so sure. Tomorrow, or even tonight, I'll be fine, in fact, I'll be excited about everything.
And then I won't be so sure again...
*sigh*
So if tomorrow starts today, well, I guess you could see why I''m so nervous about today...
*sigh*
Well this post had no real point...
Samia

Some girls are beautiful on the outside, but just "eh" on the inside...

Oofta, Blogger switched things up on me... it took me a little while to figure out how to post.
Speaking of posts, I have been posting, from my phone, it just hasn't been working. Too many words, I think. I've tried shortening it, several times, but I guess I can only post one sentence at a time and Lord knows I just can't do that! :-)

So I've spent a ton of time thinking this week. Thinking seriously.
Who am I? Reference to my last successful post- what are my ingredients? Am I proud of them? or not? Will I be glad of who I was today when I look back in six months? two years? fifty years? Do half of the things that I spend my time on even matter at all? Will I ever look back and say, "I'm so glad that I took that twenty minutes and spent it googling summer dresses"?
I don't know about you, but I'm thinking not so much in the affirmative...
I was reading one of Elizabeth Elliot's book, Let Me Be a Woman, and have been captured by the idea of being helpful. In one of the chapters Mrs. Elliot addresses the reason that we (women) exist. Why were we created? Well, obviously, for the glory of God. But on a more human level, why? Because there was a lot of work to do in the garden and Adam needed help and company.
Time out: Don't misunderstand me. My thinking is not parked on the whole woman was created for man bit, though that is true, very true, just read through Genesis. However, my thinking is parked on woman having been created to help, to accompany another in general. Woman was created for a purpose outside of herself.
How self centered is this world! I'm afraid that I've let it rub off onto me. I'm caught up in the idea that I deserve something, that I can earn good things in this life, but not only is that forgetting the reason that I was created, it's belittling the God who set the standard which says that I deserve hell!
Modern society says that human beings have rights which ought to be observed, accommodated and satisfied, and within our environment that's a good thing. It puts boundaries on those who would otherwise take advantage of the helpless and weak. But it's missing the point. How we treat each other should be reminiscent of how God has treated us in His generosity, kindness, and mercy, but society has put God out of the picture completely and replaced Him with humanity. A sad substitution.
If God had not been forgotten, would we be teaching the same general principles of kindness (multiplied by the thousands, of course) that are assumed by making room for another's "rights" but with a different reason? Treat your fellow man with respect and kindness because you were not made for your own pleasure, rather than because your fellow man has "rights"...
I love it when I post and my thoughts go all over the place... maybe that's why nobody ever comments, ya'all just can't follow me... Sometimes it's like I only type out every other thought and then it kinda, sorta, mostly, doesn't make complete sense. Minds are like labyrinths, sometimes I get lost in my own...
Anyway, back to what I was thinking about before.
So, I was created for another. For others. My purpose- to bring glory to God and serve my fellow man. Boy is that a little different than I live.
I like the word helpful. Maybe it speaks to the practical, simple side of me. To me, saying, "How can I help you?" is just more, I don't know, fulfill-able than saying "How can I serve you?" Not that anyone ever says, "How can I serve you?" anyway... I'm probably not making much sense, silly little rabbit trail about a word...
Point being, this whole week has been so convicting, I'm encouraged to stop and weigh the choices that I'm making. Is this just simply selfish or can I be a help to someone else by doing this? Is this going to affect anyone else's life? If not, why not, and how can I change that?
At the moment, I can change it by ending this post and finishing the laundry and dishes that I started this morning.

Oh! One last quick note! I tried to post this from my phone but it didn't work. I'm going to South Africa this summer!!! I'm on a team from Grace Community Church and we'll be going to Johannesburg to help out with a Holiday Bible Camp and then Sasolburg to do a VBS type event. I'm so excited! But we need funds! If you 'd like to support us financially, leave a comment and I'll get back to you with how you can do that. If you can't support us financially please pray for us as we get ready to go. I'll keep you updated as we go along, but at the moment there are five of us and it's going to cost approximately $3200 per person. So prayers are needed!!
Ok, now to conquer the dish washer...
:-)
Samia

Say "Irish Wrist watch"...

So, unfortunately, I can't add post titles from my phone, which really sucks, because, as all of my readers know, the title is very important to me. :-) But I can still post and that I am thankful for. There have been so many times that I've had a thought that I wanted to post, but by the time I get around to doing it the thought is gone *poof* and I sit here trying to blog but coming up with nothing. Now I can blog from wherever I am :-) and I can post pictures from my phone too.

Prepare to being hearing from me more than you really thought you cared to. :-)

So, just yesterday I had a thought that I wanted to blog and amazingly enough, I actually remember what it was! So now I have to share... pardon the difficulty in reading, it's a bit choppy because my mind was all over the place and moving way faster than my fingers could...

I took my younger brother out for lunch yesterday. We were on our way home from his tutoring session at school and I hadn't had breakfast so we decided to be "bad" and pulled into the nearest fattery (I totally just made that up on the spot...).

I've been eating a little healthier, or, well, at least I've been trying to and I've lost a little bit of weight and I've been feeling pretty good. So I decided to try out the myth that some fast food places have healthy food that doesn't taste like cardboard and I ordered a turkey burger instead of a hamburger.

I was disappointed.

Junk food ought to just be junk food and not try to fool anybody. Heck, it probably wasn't even any healthier anyway...

"It tastes boring" I said after failing in an attempt to make Steven think that it was good enough to swap bites over. "I think I'd rather eat fake food." I grimaced. I suppose it wasn't really that bad, but I'd go to almost any length just to hear him laugh and he certainly did.

It occurred to me just then that lot's of healthy foods taste boring to me. I like the fake stuff. You know, the foods that have so much chemicals in them that they're not really foods anymore. For example: Twinkies. Have you ever looked at the ingredients list on a package of Twinkies? If you can't pronounce it, you probably shouldn't be putting it in your mouth... Actually, let me pull the Hot Pockets box out of the freezer and take a peek...

Oh. Dear.

That's a lot of ingredients.

"Unbleached Enriched Flour..." Ok, not so bad, but what does "Enriched" mean? "Water, Imitation Mozzarella Cheese..." What?! "(water, palm oil, mozzarella cheese, casein, modified food starch... sodium aluminum phosphate...)" Aluminum? really? in my food? "Monoglycerides...hydrochloride...sodium nitrate..." Ok, this box is going back in the freezer now. I've had my fair share of info. I guess some ignorance is bliss...

So, anyyyyway, back to my story.

So I like the fakes stuff. It might be made up of who knows what, but I like it. I'm used to it. I absently minded mumble to myself, "Why does the fake stuff taste so good when the stuff that's good for you tastes so boring?"

"Because you're used to the fake stuff." my brilliant little brother comments, between mouthfuls of yummier-than-my-turkey-burger-hamburger.

Because I'm used to the fake stuff.

Then another thought occurred to me: Maybe that's why it's so easy to get caught up in the excitement of this world and fail to be excited about heaven.

Because I'm used to the fake stuff.

This life is just fake stuff. "Now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face..."

That thought really makes all of my worries and fears and distractions seem so trivial. So fake.

I went rollerblading on Monday morning. It had just stopped raining, so the ground was wet and the air was chilly. I plugged in my earbuds and turned on a sermon about heaven. It was Nathan Busenitz. He had preached in our church a few Sunday's ago, but I'd been at work and only made it in time to hear the last three sentences. Those last three sentences were pretty good. In fact, the whole sermon was pretty good. Very good. Because it was about heaven and heaven is so good because heaven's about God. Man... I want to listen to it again now...

(here's the link for anyone who cares to listen, by the way)

Heaven seems pretty good. So why like the fake stuff?

I'm used to it.

I have a very good friend who is a good friend because she's not afraid to tell me when I'm wrong. She's so humble- she relates herself to bad women of the bible, because she understands that in God's sight our sin is terribly wrong, no matter how small.

She sees that in my life and is a good enough friend to tell me, but she has to tell me over an over and over again. She's always encouraging me to do the right thing, to stop and think about how my actions influence my testimony for Christ. I hear and I understand, but when it comes down to doing it... well, then she has to tell me again...

That's why I like this life, that's why I'm used to it. I live in the world and forget to pursue heaven. It get's put on the back burner and it takes faithful friends and pastors and teachers to remind me that I left it there and that it should be in the forefront of my mind instead.

My life, here on earth is like a Twinky. Or a Hot Pocket if you prefer. A hamburger.

It tastes good. It looks harmless.

It's what I'm used to.

But it's made up of genetically altered vegetable byproducts and petroleum derivatives.

The Devil's in the details.

I'm not excited about heaven because I've let it get boring. I've let it get boring by getting used to the fake stuff. I've gotten used to sweeping my mistakes under the rug. I've gotten used to saying, "God is forgiving so it's no big deal". I live in the world, there's nothing I can do about that. But I'm not suppose to be of the world. I'm not supposed to look like the world.

So what would make the difference?

The little chemicals in the ingredients list.

What's my life made of? What's the first thing I do in the morning? Who's the person that I think about the most? What do I do when there's nothing to do?

I think that my ingredients list looks something like this- "Humanity, pride, partially hidden fears, undeniable flaws (mistakes made 12 times, wisdom set aside and forgotten) spitfire, absent minded church attendance, batted eyes and wayward thoughts, worldly attraction, make up, hair spray, gossip, half truths and purposeful misunderstandings..." And the list could go on...

But the ingredients list for my life ought to look more like this- "Immovable, steadfast, always abounding in the work of the Lord, Having sufficiency in all things in order to abound in all good works, Having put off the old man and being renewed in mind, righteousness, true holiness, speaking truth, never giving opportunity to the Devil, incorruptible, edifying, kind to all, forgiving, walking in love, filled with the Spirit, patient, content, humble, blameless and faithful..."

I think I need to go on a diet. I need to cut out some things and start getting a taste for some other things...

"Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world."

-Samia

Testing, testing, 1, 2, 3... I just set up blogger for my phone and this is just to see if it's working :-)

Sick Day

I'm a terrible student.

I think that that's a pretty comprehensive statement. Nothing more needs to be said, I guess.

It's Monday morning and obviously, I'm not in class. I think my mind is a little fuzzy today, because I'm actually seriously considering not going back.

I've work as a clerk in a jewelry store in a mall for the last two years and quite frankly, I'd rather do that for a few more years than have to go to school for a whole semester.

I'm in the first half of my second semester and I've already dropped two classes just because I can't handle school.

I've gotta do something different. This is killing me.

It's not the work load. I can handle that. I'm one of those lucky people blessed with the ability to get A's with very little effort.

It's not the teachers. They're actually all a lot of fun, and I've survived through worse.

It's just the fact that it's school. It's getting up in the morning to go sit in a class room for an hour and a half (or three!) and listen to someone lecture me on things I won't remember next week! I know, I know, everybody should get a degree if they can. I know some people won't even look at your resume unless it's got college under your list of accomplishments. I know it means a higher paying job. I know it often means more intelligent coworkers. I know that it's a "good idea".

News flash: I don't want one.

I like going to work. I like my job. I didn't need a degree to get it. Heck, the hiring manager didn't even get a copy of my resume and he still hired me. I know that it isn't really a waste of time, but I still can't help twiddling my thumbs and staring at the wall. Out of all of the classes that I'm required to take, how many of them will I use? How many will I enjoy?

Which one's will I look back on and say, "Oh, I'm so glad that I took that class! I wouldn't have much of a life if I hadn't!".

They keep saying that in a few years I won't think the same way. Ok, so I'll wish I'd gotten my degree and had a nice cushy job? Does anyone who knows me think that that sounds accurate?

Timeout: Just so all my readers understand- I'm not trying to start an argument about the merits of college. I'm not saying that I'm quitting. I'm not asking for someone to correct my thinking, I understand how getting one's degree is a sensible thing.

I'm just letting out some frustration on the subject. Wishful thinking if you will. I know that all of what I've just said is childish and silly and I'm wasting my time saying it. But I'm frustrated. So bear with me or go read another blog.

Yesterday someone asked me how school was going and what I was studying. I told her I'm undecided and... and...

and I ran out of things to say, besides "I don't know" there wasn't anything to say.

I don't know. If I did I wouldn't be here. I'd be out there doing it, instead of sitting here wishing I knew what I was doing.

There was a time, once upon a time, that I actually got through school without this amount of frustration.

I was living on campus at a Bible college.

I still was a terrible student. I'll always be a terrible student. I bet people are reading this and saying, "You just don't appreciate education at all, do you?" I do. It just looks like I don't. I'm okay with that. I don't mind that people misjudge me. I understand that that's my fault and I'll work on it. Bunny rabbit trail...

Anyways-I got through classes alright, I didn't mind getting up to go, and most of the classes were things that I wanted to know- Bible classes. That I'd sit through in a heart beat, with pleasure. Please and thank you very much. :-)

So maybe that's what I need to do. But here's the thing. Colleges like that usually aren't cheap. Not in this state anyway.

I know of a few back east that are affordable, but do I want to go to school out of state? As I said earlier- I do like my job, and my family (obviously)...

Ah, the questions without answers...

I've been on here far too long.

Later, Dudes.

Samia